Dear Grannie:;

This was in my mind for months, and I had to to unleash it. Or else, my feelings would be crumpled. Making me a zombie, who doesn't cry as she used to, but laughs twice as much. I mean, laughing is good for your health. But to me, crying is essential. A necessity in my life. Without it, it would be hard for me to express my feelings. That's why I write, it helps clear my head from things. By writing this post, I don't intend to make you cry. As I said, I want to express my locked feelings, and now, as I have the chance, I won't lose it.

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  Today, is the first day of Holly Ramadan. But, this year we have to celebrate by ourselves. As you passed away earlier this year. For the last 15 years of my life, I always celebrated Ramadan with you, and the rest of the family. However, things changed this year. Many, many things.

  Grannie, nowadays, home doesn't feel like home. There is a void in it, a missing jigsaw puzzle, which is you! Home, got gloomier the moment you stepped out of it heading for treatment. 

  I remember, last winter, you got very, very sick and we all thought that it's a flu that would be cured in a week. But, things got out of control when you had to go to Germany to be cured. Ever since the moment you stepped on that plane, things changed around the house. Depression was hovering in the air, like a guillotine preparing to strike at our necks at the right moment. 

  I remember, when this February, we went to Germany as a vacation. We visited you twice. I remember how excited I got when the hospital came in sight. I remember how I threw myself at my uncle. I remember, going to your room with my brother. When I saw all the wires that were hanging around you, I knew that you were in huge pain. I knew that you needed to be freed.I remember how you pointed towards my brother, you had a proud look on your face. I won't lie, I did shed I few tears back then. I tried to hide them from you, but I am not sure if I succeeded. At that moment, I had my final look at you. 

  I remember, when I used to come back from school, my bag would always be on one of my shoulder. And you'll tell me to give to the maid, as it would make my posture bad and would also affect my health.

 I remember, once we were in our farm at the desert. I woke up early in the morning, and saw you preparing coffee. The view behind you was breath taking, the sun wasn't up yet. But the rays engulfed the desert with their glow.   The sky's were blue, some dark, some light. I can't describe it well, as that was several years ago. 

 I remember the day when I heard the news of your death. I was asleep, and my mom woke me up. "M, your grandma died today" she said, while sobbing. I hugged her, and whispered "She is in a better place". A smile formed on my face, because I knew that you will no longer suffer to stay alive. I knew, that you are happy. I could tell from all your actions that you ended up in heaven. Surrounded by your loved ones. 

 I remember how highly you spoke of your father. You would tell us stories about him, diving for pearls. It was like 60 years ago or maybe 50. But we always loved to hear them. You told us that back then, 300 Dirhams were like millions. We were kids, and we were amazed at how the prices were low back then. 

 Grannie, you were weak, yet strong. You stood up high, facing every challenge thrown on you. When I look up at you, I see wisdom. I see strength. I see patience. I see love. Last but not least, I see forgiveness. You are my #1 female role model. I want to be just like you when I grow up. 

 I love you Grannie. Always had always will. May your soul rest in peace♥.